Night of the Living Beards by JOHN SQUIRES

I am pretty fortunate in life to have found myself within a small closely knit group of friends, a motley crue of bearded individuals who love to gather together, drink beers, watch horror movies and have lengthy discussions about such important issues as the proper way to wipe ones ass – for the record, baby wipes are the way to go. Somehow a couple of us have even managed to bring beautiful girlfriends into this group who not only put up with our shit, but seem to enjoy it. God only knows…

In any event, it was with this group of friends that my girlfriend Jen and I were hanging out with one Saturday evening, as has been a tradition for us since the days of high school, when our faces were all a little less hairy. My friend Jon’s parents were out of town and we were sitting around at his house drinking beers when Jen came up with the idea of turning all of us into zombies – we may have been watching a shitty zombie movie on the TV at the time. Off she went to pick up our trusty box of makeup supplies from my house, something we always keep at a close distance for times like these when we get an itch to slap cheapo cream makeups on each others faces – it happens more often than you’d think.

After an hour or so of applying liquid latex, tubed gelatinous blood and green, black and white paints on our faces, and throwing wigs on both herself and Jon’s girlfriend Jackie, Jen’s handiwork was complete and the bearded zombies were born, hungry not for flesh and brains but for cheap beer.

It was around this time that we remembered that a kid we went to high school with was having a party at his house, not far from where we were. We don’t often go to these types of gatherings but we quickly decided that stumbling into a party chock full of former classmates in full zombie makeup was just too awesome an idea to pass up. Mind you, this was several weeks prior to Halloween – in fact, now that I look at the dates on the pictures, it was exactly two years ago from the time I’m writing up this post.

We soon found ourselves socializing with a drunken group of very confused people, wondering why the hell we showed up to their party in Halloween costumes. While most were bewildered, others got a kick out of it and still others were drunk enough to the point that I’m pretty sure they were oblivious to the fact that we were even wearing makeup. I think we may have even told some people that we all just got off our shifts at a local haunted house.

Nevertheless we blended right in with the humans after a little while and ended up having a great time at the party, which concluded with zombie Jon serenading a small group of drunks on the guitar, an image that will likely always occupy a spot in my brain – until of course that little spot becomes fast food in the impending zombie apocalypse.

As a little end-cap to the story, most of us ended up passing out drunk at our respective houses, too drunk and lazy to clean the makeup off our faces. Needless to say, a few pillow covers were ruined that night, all in the name of a hell of a fun and memorable night.

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