Zombie Combat

Zombie Combat – Fire Zombies

Could you survive a fire zombie attack? With the US West burning from forest fires, adding zombies to the mix would be even more terrifying! #zombies

Zombie Combat – Fire Zombies

When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.  In the doom and gloom of Sunday morning bible school, teachers tried to scare us with tales of “fire and brimstone”.  Often, Lucifer’s lair was depicted as molten pit of flames and searing heat.  

In California at the moment, as well as many other states, wild fires are burning unchecked in historical proportions.  What if the fires aren’t random acts of nature, or malicious arson?  What if the gates of Hell have opened, and there isn’t anymore room?

Scenario

Sitting in your living room, playing your tenth straight hour of Fortnite, your eyes burn.  There are grease stains on your pants from some store bought rotisserie chicken you ate many hours ago.   In those same jeans, the cell phone in your pocket, suddenly vibrates to life.  An emergency alert text message informs you that you and all the people on your street have been selected for voluntary pre-evactuation.  However, the fires that have been burning all around you for weeks, and you’ve just kind of gotten used to it.  This is the first time that any mention of imminent danger to you has been a real threat.  You throw the phone, with a 37% battery charge, on the plaid cushion next to you and keep playing your game.   

evacuation-notice-rubber-stamp-vector-12477606An hour later, the phone buzzes again. This time the evacuation notice has escalated from “voluntary” to “MANDATORY” in all caps.  Pulling the black-out curtains aside on your window, you gaze over the hillside in the distance and watch as an incandescent amber glow illuminates the rolling foothills. There is no denying that the mega-fire is now approaching your location.  The smoke in the air, which has become a constant flavor in your mouth and nostrils hasn’t changed, but now you notice ash is falling delicately onto everything around you. It coats the ground in a grey blanket, like the last embrace of warm death.  

Walking outside, you kneel down to brush your hand over the thin layer of ash on the street curb.  There are footprints in snowlike substance.  That’s odd, you think to yourself.  Not many people walk around here, and surely not since the wildfire began.  The tracks look like someone was walking barefoot, and dragging one of their legs behind the other.  Following the trail, you notice it leads up to your neighbor’s house across the street.  The door is open and the lights are on.  

The house belongs to Mrs. Williamson, one of the most well known members of the local block, especially to the young men who live there.  The now-single, desperate housewife, loves attention from men and choses her outfits to be provocative.  There was no need to sunbathe in the front yard, yet she did frequently when the summer weather enticed her to do so.   You had secretly fantasized about her from afar for years, and now it was up to you to do a welfare check on her.

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J-LO is the ultimate Stepford Wife. 

Walking up to the porch you call out, but there is no answer.  Stepping closer and closer, you begin to hear what sounds like a wild dog, or raccoon, or some kind of medium small animal eating.  Wet slurping sounds and the smell of burnt meat fill the surroundings.  You call out again, and still there is no answer.  

Peering into the door frame, you are aghast to find the body of Mrs. Williamson being consumed by another human.  She lays lifeless in a pool of blood on the floor, while a charred zombie rips and chews chunks of her flesh.  All of sudden, the zombie turns towards you and begins moaning.  A lump forms in your throat and you feel your blood pressure rise to a level that makes everything around morph into a defining silence.  

You have seconds to decide what is the best action to take!

Solution

Any action is better than no action in this zombie survival scenario.  If you choose to try and help the victim, you’re a dead man.  If you try to fight off the zombie you run the risk of being added to the growing ranks of  the recently undead.   However, with the impending forest fire billowing black smoke and flames towards you, staying put in your home isn’t an option either. 

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Of all the tropes in zombie fiction, one that is more ridiculous is the notion of zombies emerging from fire or lava.  Underwater zombies or snow zombies are a least slightly more believable.  The human body, while unable to sustain much prolonged exposure to the later two elemental forms, can manage to cope at least for a short time.  Fire, or excessive heat, is a completely different story.

Immolation is the practice of offering a sacrifice. Most frequently known by burning since the 1950’s ,when Viet Buddhist Monk, Thích Quảng Đức , burned himself alive in protest of the Vietnam War.  The horrific event was captured by the AP and went “viral” before the term was even coined.    American journalist, David Halberstam, witnessed the monk’s suicide and later said, “Flames were coming from a human being; his body was slowly withering and shriveling up, his head blackening and charring. In the air was the smell of burning human flesh; human beings burn surprisingly quickly.  (Source: Wikipedia)

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Viet Buddhist Monk, Thích Quảng Đức, burns himself alive

Within the previous statement is why fire zombies are such a laughable idea; Human beings burn quickly.  According to one funeral home it takes a human body about 2-2.5 hours to be completely turned to ash.   If you can survive a zombie apocalypse for 120 – 150 minutes, then you would be able to withstand fire zombies.  Simply, stand back and let them incinerate.  Whatever you do, DO NOT extinguish the walking dead. 

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Odds of Survival

A+.  Zombies may like to eat brains, but this scenario is a no-brainer!  Zombies are reanimated dead humans, but would go up in smoke just like any other carbon based life form.  Unless, Hell is full and the dead walk the Earth with some type of supernatural power not common in standard zombie lore.   Then you’re totally and unequivocally screwed.


Zombie Combat is a series that investigates hypothetical situations involving the undead in melee combat.

The Dead Walk is a proud affiliate of The Alamo Drafthouse.

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Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my war! You asked me, I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win!

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